My Introduction to German...Culture?

Ok so I have to start this off by saying that this post is going to be quite graphic in nature...seriously.  What I saw on this trip to the museum was quite possibly some of the most disturbing stuff I have ever seen, but it needs to be described in full to give you the reader the best insight as to what I saw while on this journey.  So with that you have been fairly warned, and if reading about some truly weird/graphic/mind numbing stuff is not your bag, I simply ask that you bypass this post and read some of my other posts that will try to be highly entertaining and somewhat insightful at the same time.  Thanks. JTH.

So the Monday after Easter was a state holiday here in Germany and as I had the day off and was still located in my 10x10 cell of a hotel room I decided that this would be a great day to take in some of the finer points of the 40+ museums located in the Frankfurt area.  So with a quick look on trusty old tripadvisor.com for some reviews I settled on taking in the Museum of Modern Art in Frankfurt (www.mmk-frankfurt.de), thinking that I would catch a few Warhol's, a Dali or 2, hell maybe even a Jackson Pollack!  So after a quick walk across downtown I was at the foot of the MMK and my journey into the German world of fine art began, well after I paid my EUR 8 entrance fee that is.

So as I started to walk in, it became apparent that the MMK frequently rotates their works and sometimes you experience will be based on the luck of the draw and the day I happened to walk in it was at the tail end of an exhibition that consisted entirely of photography.  No big deal though, I can appreciate some of the aspects of modern photography and it's contribution to art in the 20th century.  I mean one of my favorite exhibits that I took in while I was in Atlanta was on Annie Leibovitz and her exquisite collection of portraits that she has taken over the years.  Well as I walked in I noticed a sign that stated that some of the exhibits may not be appropriate for younger audiences, whatever, I'm no parent and what could possibly be that terrible in an art museum?  So I ascended the staircase into the first exhibition hall and walked into a room that was filled with photos of what I can only describe as Japanese bondage.  Literally, the entire room was filled with photographs of naked Japanese women wound tightly in ropes and the occasional photo after the rope had been removed still showing the impression the rope left on their body.  Interesting, sure.  Shocking, not entirely.  Almost the closest thing to art I felt I saw that day, you betcha.

So after that I ventured into a few more rooms that had nothing spectacular to write about in them and then ascended up to the second floor of the museum.  So the first exhibit I ventured into was more of what I thought I would see when I walked in to the museum that day.  Actually, this was a really cool exhibit of photos taken from Kosovo back in 1995 around the time of the Kosovo war and UN peace keeping operations there, very poignant stuff showing the displacement of people and some of the atrocities that were committed during that time period.  So feeling a little bit better I turned the corner into the next room and wouldn't you know it more nudes!  Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against nude photos and their place in the art world, so let's just set that straight, but these were a little disturbing.  So like I said, slipped into the next room and started taking in these photos and about 2-3 in I started thinking to myself, wow the girls in these photos look really young, REALLY young.  It was about that time that I came across a photo of a girl who looked to be, well at least 18, and after reading the description realized that it was the same girl from a prior photo taken 6 years after the first one.  So basically this confirmed my feeling that this room was filled with naked photos of girls from the ages of say, oh 14-20...with more leaning to that 14 side.  So as I exited the room I grabbed one of the flyers that gave a short biography on the photographer and was flabbergasted that the photographer was an American.  I would like to give more information here but the fear of typing "kiddie porn" into Google and landing on some pedophile list is enough to dissuade me from doing that.  Actually, hell by posting this I am guessing I will end up on some sort of you're fucked list.  Thanks patriot act!

So a making my way to the other side of the floor passed through a few more rooms of more "artsy" photos and to a work I swear I had seen before, and low and behold I had.  Blitzschlag mit Lichtschein auf Hirsch by Joseph Beuys, it appears that he commissioned a few more of these works and one hangs out in Tate Modern in London...which I saw almost a year to the day earlier.  This is the original though, at least according to Wikipedia it is.

So after that I walked into the next exhibit entitled "Teenage Lust" and I remember this solely because this was some of the most fucked up imagery I have ever witnessed.  Seriously, the exhibit basically consisted of the following sequence.  Image 1: Guy and girl preparing to shoot heroin; Image 2: Now naked guy and girl shooting up said heroin; and Image 3: Now high on heroin naked girl giving now high on heroin naked guy a blow job.  Seriously.  Throw in a couple of random pictures of young guys putting handguns into their mouths, maybe a photo of the high people having sex (I assume after the blow job), or a magazine cover of Corey Haim located next to a blow job picture, and a collage of Jon Voight wannabes from Times Square (if you don't get the reference, please refer to the film Midnight Cowboy) and you have yourself one exceedingly odd exhibit.  To make matters more interesting there were copies of pages from the photographers journal also included that graphically described him and his friends gang banging girls in their youth and how this all lead up to his desire to want to do this exhibit.  Interesting, yes on a level.  Extremely fucked up, holyshityes.

Quick side note...so while I was there, their was this rather cute girl going through the exhibit at the same time, she had an arsty/hipster-ish look to her so the nerd in me was totally into it.  Well at any rate I was trying to come up with a witty/intellectual line to drop on her, and wouldn't you know it, that is damn near impossible to do when you are both looking at a blow job photo.  However, it didn't stop "Creepy Art Dude" (you know the type, late 40's/50's, ponytail, probably enjoyed the pedophile exhibit a bit too much) from making his move while cute artsy girl was looking at the Corey Haim-blow job montage.  This at least made me laugh. 

Funny thing is, everything I saw on the first two floors resembled art more so than anything on the third floor of the museum.  This was another special exhibit of one artist and from what I could tell it essentially consisted of people moving giant tubs of candy around and then dumping them on the floor.  Seriously, I was walking and saw a guy with 3 or 4 huge tubs of wrapped hard candy walking through the hall, then I hear this loud thud and as I walk back I see the same 3-4 tubs just dumped in the middle of the floor, and the crazy thing is people were taking photos of this.  I just kept thinking to myself that this is the same thing my two year old nephew Nate would do given a large tub of an inanimate object.  Only he refers to it as "dump" and not art.  Needless to say I walked out of the MMK that day with a new perspective on what can be considered art these days and 8 Euro less in my pocket.

Now I would feel remiss if I didn't provide a few updates on my experience with the MMK.  Last weekend when my good friend Pete came to visit, he requested that we go to the weird museum as he had already heard this story.  So we decided to check it out and 1. it was open house day so entry was free! Score! and 2. the exhibits had rotated.  So on this trip I found basically what I expected with my first adventure, call it MOMA light.  A few Warhol's, a Lichtenstein or 2...you know stuff like these:

Also, as an added bonus the MMK features some extremely good looking room watcher chicks.  Seriously, I am disappointed in myself that I didn't try and snap a sleuthy photo of the one girl who was watching the room next to the Warhol room...maybe next time.  So in finalizing a few points regarding the MMK if you ever happen to be in Frankfurt I would highly suggest that you take a gander at the museum, just get a feel for what the exhibit is like before you go, or at least ask the lady who sells the tickets, they seem like nice people.

See you on the flip.

Housekeeping note: please note that I use parentheticals in lieu of footnoting things.  If footnotes are possible on here and someone knows how to do it, please educate me!  Thanks.

Education on the artists:  Teenage Lust was by an American photographer named Larry Clark who came to prominence with his first book of photography entitled "Tulsa" and appears to be a critically acclaimed guy who has gone on to direct a few films, most notably a 1995 film called Kids, which was pretty controversial at the time of its release if I remember correctly.


After reviewing the MMK's site, the other dude is named Jock Sturges - his wiki page is not as flattering and in 1990 the FBI raided his studio, however charges were eventually dropped against him, I agree with the FBI on this one.

The Legacy of LeBron

So a week or so ago (before the game 6 quit fest) a friend of mine from Atlanta forwarded me this article (http://www.slate.com/id/2296634/) talking about how LBJ will always struggle to find a legacy because there was never anything intriguing about him.  He raised the counterpoint that if LBJ had stayed in Cleveland and won just one title that he would have the ammo to go down as one of the all time greats.  What followed in my response was basically my stream of consciousness on the topic and after re-reading it tonight I have decided to post it here:

I agree 100% with your counterpoint, basically in my opinion LeBron sealed his fate as to how people will think about him and his legacy going forward last summer.  By going to Miami (and even if they win multiple championships) he will always go down as having to team up as Dwayne Wade's sidekick to do it.  Fair or unfair, that is how most of the mainstream media and the public will view him.  So while I don't know if he will struggle to find a legacy, I think he will definitely struggle to find a legacy that is his own...similar to Scottie Pippen, who is one of the 50 greatest players ever, whom you never hear mentioned without the mention of MJ.  This is the same boat Kobe would have been in had he not won the past 2 titles, great player but could never get it done without Shaq.  He laid that to rest and is now just considered one of the 10 best ever because legacy in the NBA is decided in a similar fashion to QB's in the NFL...how many titles did you win as the man.  Statistically speaking Dan Marino and Warren Moon are two of the best to ever play the game, but you won't hear them mentioned in the same breath as a Manning, Favre, Elway, Brady or Montana because they never got it done on the biggest stage.  In fact, when you look at it Manning dominates Brady on all levels as a quaterback, but because Brady has the edge in rings he gets tossed into the same conversation.  If the rings were flipped between the two it would be Manning and everyone else in this generation with a massive chasm in between.

On to you point, like I said I could not agree more.  LBJ needed to win just one title in Cleveland to cement a legacy that would have put him into some rarified air, and when it was all said and done even with one title he would go down as top 10 (maybe higher) in NBA history.  This would have been based on the fact that he would likely have put up gaudier all around number than anyone we have ever seen (or at least since Oscar Robertson), would have given a championship to not just a title starved franchise but a title starved city, and oh by the way that city happens to be his hometown.  It would have been one of the greatest success stories of all time and he would have easily gone down as Cleveland's favorite athletic son (supplanting Jim Brown/Bernie Kosar in the process) and maybe just favorite son overall.  I am not sure I will ever fully understand the decisions of last summer as it defied all expectations of what we as society think a superstar athlete should behave like in their prime.  In the twilight of careers no one seems to say mum about people who chase rings and frankly all sports have their version of this guy.  Hockey had Ray Bourque who went to Colorado to win his only cup, Malone jumped to the Lakers to chase one down, Garnett successfully did this with Boston, Barkley went to Houston a year late (I am struggling with baseball and football to come up with someone off the top of my head, but I know they exist...basically any veteran who signs with the Yankees or Patriots).  However, to do this in in prime of your career, to join forces with your #1 rival in your conference...it just defies all expectations.

I have a feeling that LeBron is just one very complex dude, who in maybe some weird sense (I am about to make a totally off base parallel) is searching for some part of his youth that he lost while he was in high school.  It is almost like the stories you heard about Michael Jackson and why he was the way he was, something about a lost childhood due to the public eye he was under.  LeBron has a high school career that was covered in a way that no one had seen before and I doubt we will see again.  Yes each year there are kids in high school who are being told how great they are and seem to be under the same scope, but how many of them were annointed on the covers of SI as the next greatest thing as a Junior in HS?  LeBron's senior season was basically like a traveling road show, his HS team traveled from coast to coast on private charter jets, at least a half a dozen of his games were broadcast on national television (and I am not talking ESPN U, he was either on the flagship or the deuce), his team took on such a huge following that they had to play "home" games in the University of Akron's gym and would sell out 6,000 tickets to each game, hell St. V&M sold out the Cavs's arena that year (something the Cavs couldn't say while limping to a 17-65 mark en-route to that #1 pick that would change the franchise).  It was crazy, so in light of that maybe there is something he is missing from that time.  A lot of people have said he is 26, looks 36, and acts 16...maybe it is just a longing for a place where he can be himself, playing with friends, getting back to the playground...I am probably stretching but who knows.

The one thing I know for sure, he was the most amazing player I have ever seen on a basketball court and I saw Jordan in his prime.  LBJ can do amazing things and quite frankly you never did know what was coming next, he never ceased to amaze from night to night whether it be that game 5 in 2007 when he single handedly decimated the Pistons (I still remember watching that game at the BW3 in Ann Arbor...I may or may not have almost gotten into a fight with a Mexican), Game 2 against Orlando when he nailed that 3 at the end of the game to tie the series 1-1 (that was the night I thought the tide was going to turn in Cleveland, thought we would roll to the title), or to that other Game 5 when the elbow mysteriously became hurt and LBJ stopped going to the rack (full disclosure I still blame Mike Brown for the series loss, he never went small against the C's after game 3 when we ran them off the court, dumbfounding...good luck Lakers).  Likely I think we (the royal "we") expected too much from someone who may just not be comfortable with being the man.  In HS it was easy, he was that much better (in reality if you ever read about those teams the heart and soul was the PG Dru Joyce III, he was the killer), LeBron was just the man amongst boys.  Now there are people who may not be entirely equal in talent but are damn close and maybe he just isn't wired the way that we want him to be...it is really the only logical explanation.  I think Simmons said it best in an article earlier this year, LeBron just wants to amaze us with his talents, and he does...but leave it to Wade to be the winner.

Well that was officially more than I expected to write when I cracked this email open, just a stream of conciseness as I started going.  At any rate, while my hatred has died down over the year (as I think has most of the Cleveland faithful) I can say without a doubt I am pulling for the Mavs in this series and really don't want to see the Heat win, and if LeBron tears his sack in the process...well I guess I will smile.

After watching the game the other night I think an interesting point will be to see how the marriage of LBJ and Dwayne Wade factors into deciding Wade's future.  For all intent and purpose it seems that Wade's legacy also took a small hit during these Finals (I guess that is what happens when Dirk matches the 4th quarter output of Wade and LeBron combined).  If the Heat continue to fall short (especially in the damming fashion that this one played out) I think Wade will continue to take a large hit to his legacy and will eventually lose some of that status he has built up over the years.  At any rate, I think everyone who loves the Cavs can breathe easier knowing those cock bags in Miami fell short, if  only for a year.

See you on the flip

He was 6'4" and plenty of muscles...

I said do you speak-a my language, he just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich.

Ah Brussels, an amazing and beautiful city that honestly would probably bore the living hell out of you if you spent more than a day there.  However, the birthplace of the Smurfs and, more importantly, JCVD is well worth the day trip that I took at the end of my first week abroad.  How did this all come about, well upon my departure to Frankfurt it came to my attention that my good buddy Andy would be in Belgium during my first week abroad and after connecting with him it was decided that I would shoot up to Brussels  to meet up that Saturday so we could enjoy some of the finer Belgian brews and see what sort of trouble two fun loving Buckeyes could get into for one night in Brussels.

So there it was a 6am train on a Saturday morning taking me to Brussels just in time to meet up with Andy in front of the Grand Palce and take what would be an adventurous bike tour throughout the city.  On a side note, for anyone who is going to be traveling through Europe, bike tours are the way to go.  You generally hit all of the major highlights of the city in about 4 hours or so and then can take the time to go back to any you want to see in detail or just have more time to sample the local fare and see what trouble you can get yourself into.  This bike tour was basically the same with the exception of a few miscues along the way, the first being my fault.  So about 5 minutes into the morning's ride I see a can in front of me and it seemed like a tremendous idea for me to run over said can while wistfully exclaiming "nailed it" much to Andy's delight.  Well about another 5 minutes after my transformation into a 8 year old I realized that I was riding right on the rim of the bike, so a quick detour back to the bikery it was for a new set of wheels for this guy, and then quickly off to see Mannequin Pis.

Grand Palce @ night

Mannequin Pis, smaller than you expect

So quickly on Mannequin Pis, it is super duper small and the day we were there he was all duded up in the garb of some engineering fraternity in Belgium and they were drinking beer from him.  While I am not so sure how sanitary this was it seemed like a pretty cool idea.  So off again through Brussels taking in all of the sites being led by this crazy Belgian dude who hated the French more than any human being I have ever met.  Literally at each stop he had some sort of dig to make against the Frenchies, which were all fairly hilarious.  Now I say he was crazy because on most of the bike tours you take in Europe the guides realize that most of the people on the trek don't ride bikes on a daily basis and keep the pace as such...not this dude, hetreating this as his own personal Tour de Brussels and even commented a few times about how he was impressed that we kept up with him because he generally leaves a few people in his dust while on tour.  Now, if I were a tour guide I may take that as a sign that I would need to adjust my habits, but no worries it wasn't a major problem for 99% of the ride.  Oh that sneaky 1%; so on the home stretch back to the bike shop, we were flying down a hill and making a left hand turn, well one of the fellow tour riders failed to see the raised lane dividers in the road that the rest of us were avoiding and well, let's just say that bike Supermaned dat ho...over the handlebars onto the curb.  So with her pants in shreds and claiming that the arm was potentially broken (she could move it so I doubt it) she asked old boy Lance Belgium to grab her some ice for her arm, which led to the hilarious sight of the tour guide walking back down the street with a handful of ice to give to her.  Seeing this I ran into a store to procure a plastic bag for the ice...all in all it was a comedy of errors with this guy.  At any rate the lady eventually decided to get on her train to Paris and seek any further medical attention there and Andy and I were free to get on with exploring the city.

First stop, back to a bar near the Grand Palce for what turned out to be a few too many Belgian brews and a great conversation about how surreal it was that two kids from Cleveland were sitting a world away drinking amazing beers in an amazing setting (the plaza next to the Grand Palce is truly striking).  Next stop Cafe Leon for mussels and frites, and let me just say it was fantastic.  Nothing like a steamed batch of mussels and garlic with a pile of Belgian frites and a beer.  Damn good meal and a perfect base for the high octane beers that would ensue at Delerium Cafe, home to the world record for beers in one place with over 2,000.  Nothing overly eventful happened there other than the consumption of more and more brews and the inevitable decision that we needed to make our way to the casino near the hotel.

Cleveland chapter of Gamblers Anonymous 

So casinos in Brussels are pretty much like they are everywhere else with the exception of no craps tables...seriously, black jack and roulette...what a crock.  Well at any rate, I expected to make my way to the blackjack tables to find a seat and teach these little Belgians a lesson in winning...what I didn't expect to happen was verbal warfare over this game.  So, about 30 minutes or so into the table I am sitting on a soft 18 against the dealer showing 8, so I decide to hit...maybe not the greatest move in the book but a totally allowable one.  Well the dude to my left decides to take massive exception to my play and starts complaining to the table about it in English no less (I honestly think he thought I didn't speak English), so he was a little surprised when I turned to him and politely said, "Why don't you play your FUCKING hand and I will play mine."  So he quickly shut up until two hands later when he hit a 15 against a 4...seriously who does that?  So I began to mock him in his similar fashion which he didn't like so much so after a few jabs back and forth I decided to proclaim that the table was full of amateurs and left to find Andy.*

*Note: you never actually come to blows inside a casino...worst decision you could ever make.

So after finding Andy and realizing that collectively we were down a fair amount it was decided that we needed to make a comeback on this place, and wouldn't you know it a sign appeared at this time that made me think, yes the tides are turning...the opening beats to Empire State of Mind!  I figured with Jay-Z on the speakers there was no way I could lose...so there I was about to drop some sick rhymes and win some fat stacks of cash when I realized that this was not H to the Izzo, nope it was some dude rapping in French...wtf?  Turns out that some jackwaggon Belgian covered Empire State of Mind into Brussels State of Mind...Yeah you're in Brussels...pomme frite jungle where Smurfs have came from, Jean Claude will impale you, now your in Brussels, the filthy streets will disease you, and vagrants will rob you, now you're in Brussels, Brussels, Brussels...rough translation of the French rapper.  So needless to say all energy was zapped after hearing this song, and down but not out and definitely three sheets we decided to retire to the hotel and grab a McRib.

So one night in Brussels and I learned a few things about this fair city:
1. Mannequin Pis - kinda cool but about as impressive as the knock off Clayton has in the back yard
2. Belgian Bike Tours - ride at your own risk, seriously.
3. Delirium Cafe is seriously awesome...if you have a day the city is worth it for that place alone.
4. Belgian casinos are just pretty much just like American casinos without craps...which makes them pretty crappy...zing!
5. Brussels State of Mind < Empire State of Mind

Two quick notes to end, I don't know how many posts I will start with a song lyric but I kind of like it and may keep it up.  Second, I don't edit myself so if the story doesn't make sense, too bad.

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy...

Seriously, I have to ask myself that question just about every day here.  This Saturday I will be 2 months in on this wild ride that embarked after a crazy week in Cleveland, Orlando and Atlanta when I completely boxed up my life (well the movers did) and I hopped on a flight to a city I had never stepped foot in, knew no one and could really only communicate via the international language of pointing at shit...but what an amazing experience it has been thus far.

From my first night in the city when I ended up partying until 4am with a crazy pack of Norwegians (who loved the fact that I was American) until today this has been a wild ride of getting to know people and re-training my liver for the German lifestyle.  Since it has been some time since I landed and have basically completely forgot about half of the things I wanted to write about, I figured the best way to kick this bad boy off would be to just list out a few things that may be interesting to those of you back state side.

1. Weeknight Partying - This was a trial by fire my first few weeks in good ole Frankfurt when I learned that it is totally common for Germans to head out on weeknights, party until 4am and then go to work at like 8am.  This was a serious rude awakening.  One of my first days in the office a group of people said they were heading out for after work drinks, which didn't start until 9pm even though we left the office at 6.  Well at any rate this basically consisted of hanging out at a nice bar near the Alte Oper for a few hours before heading to what I can only describe as the Frankfurt version of the Warren, but with half naked women dancing on the bar*.  Walked into this place and we had Taio Cruz on the DJ, copious amounts of Maker's Mark flowing, and a crazy dude in a red pimp suit...seemed appropriate.  Well at any rate when I stumbled out of this place at say 2am (I was not primed for a 4am weeknight) I was well on my way to a date with the floor of my hotel room and the 7am alarm came a little too quick...good thing I had nothing to do for work that first week!

*Note to William, look into this!

Alte Oper - its quite nice

2. German Clubs - Now I am not exactly what I would call a "clubber" but when in Rome...so yes I have been to a few of the primo clubs here in Frankfurt, and actually they aren't that terrible.  Surprisingly enough there is generally enough weird stuff going on to make it entertaining.  Still, I generally despise the music (unless they are dropping hot beats from KP or Gaga!), but hey you can make it really weird in these places which is always entertaining.

3. Things that wouldn't fly in the US - I am going to keep a running list of these on this blog, just weird things that are totally cool here but you would never, ever see in the US.

4. Outdoor drinking - Open container everywhere...best law ever!

5. No AC and no clothes dryers - Yeah, so the whole AC thing I totally expected, but no dryer for my clothes has been a bit weird, but I have to admit I have come to enjoy the smell of clothes fresh from the washer hang drying in my apartment.

6. Soccer - I have never watched more soccer in my life, but I actually enjoy it.  It is a great thing to head to a bar on Saturday afternoon, sit outside and watch the matches, especially when you can hear crowds in every bar going nuts over the same games.  It is a really good atmosphere.

Well that is all I have for now, but before I go I have to finish this first post off with a blanket apology and a few quick comments on my closing dates back in the US.  First, I totally meant to make this more of a real time update and promise that I will post as often as work, travel, etc. allow.  I had a ton of good ideas for early posts but without taking the time to write them all down they have been lost in the shuffle of finding an apartment, establishing internet, unpacking the said boxes and attempting to somewhat settle into my new surroundings.  So to the 3 people who may actually read this on an ongoing basis sorry, especially to Mitch who has been bugging me about it.

Next I just wanted to give a truly heartfelt thanks to everyone who made my last week or so in the US memorable.  To all of the Phi Kaps (and Mark) who came out for opening day, I had a fantastic time.  It was great to get one last chance to defile myself with you guys and I hope that you all can make it over here at some point.  To my family especially my sisters Jen and Deb, thank you for the fantastic send off, it really meant a lot to me to get a chance to see everyone before I left and all of the goofy sketches and songs that have become a part of a somewhat weird family tradition were really great. To my fantastic ATL friends thank you for the last 4 years, I honestly never expected to find such a fantastic group of friends when I moved and can't wait to get back to see you all soon.  Finally, a special thanks to Ryan and Mike for helping me with the move, honestly couldn't have got everything taken care of in my last 3 days in Atlanta without you guys, means a lot to me.

See you on the flip.