Baby You Must Be Irish...

cause my richard* is Dublin!

So what is a simple ex-pat to do when they are looking to get away for the weekend, to find a place where it is acceptable to act a fool a bit and not be an oddity in the crowd?  Why Dublin of course!  At least this is the idea that my good friend (Kapil) and I had back in January of 2012 (plus you can't beat a EUR 99 flight).  So it was settled two gents on the town for a weekend of drink and maybe some sightseeing along the way.  So Friday and time to jet, I meet up with Kapil to catch the train to the airport and as we got to the airport we were provided a little bit of foreshadowing as to what the weekend would have in store.  After throwing an elbow or two to disperse the crowd** we make our way to the escalator to the terminal.  So in front of us is a German guy and he must have heard us speaking English or something because out of nowhere this guy looks at us and exclaims, "George Bush is zee BEST! Fuck zee rest!"  Needless to say were a bit taken aback by this and quite frankly we both realized after the fact that it was massive fail on our part to not chase him down and get this on film...pretty sure we would have become YouTube millionaires or something.

Now in the planning phases of the trip our other friend (Mark) said that he was contemplating joining us but it would be a last minute add.  As he worked for the airline finding a last minute deal wouldn't be such the issue for him, but as we were entering the airport Mark hadn't contacted either of us to provide the thumbs up or down on if he would be joining, so a friendly bet of the first Guinness was waged and I am happy to say I won as we rounded the corner to the gate and saw Mark waiting for us.  So now it was three gents on the town for a weekend of drink and sightseeing...maybe.

So upon landing in Dublin and checking into the hostel (yes I said hostel, and yes I know I am 32) we were off to figure out what to do on a Friday night in Dublin.  Well it just so happens that the top 10 hostlels in Dublin (not sure what that criteria is, no bed herpes, maybe?) host a pub crawl on a nightly basis.  What better way to be immersed in the drinking culture of a city then by taking a guided tour of the local watering holes where they feed you free booze on the way into each place (ok...maybe not the best way, but don't knock it they are fun).  So the first few bars weren't that much to write home about, just the three of us having a few beverages and telling jokes, but the 3rd bar now that is were the night started to turn interesting because they had BEER PONG!  So Kapil and I were all in and secured a table and pitchers to play, all we needed were opponents.  So as we were about to try and recruit some opponents, a few American college students asked to join in the fun and it turns out neither of them had played before as they both attended a very religious college and could get kicked out for drinking (not BYU, but some joint in PA).  At any rate it turns out that these two young lasses were studying abroad in Dublin and were basically using their study abroad as an opportunity to rebel against their institution of higher learning (and maybe some other deep rooted issues, who knows).  So making it a fair match we both teamed up with one of the young bucks and played a few games of pong.  I should mention that my team won all three games played as I was supposedly sandbagging my skills per Kapil (seriously though I suck at beer pong and happened to catch fire this night).

Mark and his we need more drinks face at closing time

The next few bars on the tour weren't all that eventful either, just progressively aiding these students in their rebellious drinking.  Maybe a more reasonable person would have told them not to give in to the drink, but some of the greatest people were complete drunkards and possible even on a more nasty trip. Also, when in Rome.  Soon enough we were on to the final bar of the evening which was this dance club place (we got free admission, so no harm done).  Well after a while of being in the place and being quite intoxicated ourselves at this point Kapil, Mark and I decided it was time to leave.  So after retrieving our coats we tried to go out the way we came in only to be redirected by the door guy to some other form of an exit that was up by the main bar...whatever.  So in looking for this exit I see a green sign with the running dude to the exit and somehow deduce this must be the way out.  So down a long corridor and past the kitchen (I think) of the club (this probably should have been my first sign of a wrong turn) we came upon a closed door that was clearly an emergency exit...well not any longer, it was just the way out tonight.  So we fling the door open and an alarm starts blaring in our ears (as these things tend to do).  This immediately incites us all start running down the next corridor (of course this wasn't actually the door to the outside), up and down various flights of stairs, running, running, sprinting until finally the alarm became a distance squeal...next door.  Now at this point I was fairly certain that there would be 4 or 5 of Dublin's finest waiting for us outside of this door as we clearly trigger the fire alarm by opening the first door, but no turning back now...only one way to go.  So through the door we went signaling another loud siren...but no cops...yet.  So another dead sprint up the loading dock and down the street, turning here, turning there, can't go there bouncers are sure to be waiting with forearm shivers, this way, down here...in the clear.  Finally, far enough away, walk casual...nothing to see here...alarms at a club...no idea...yes...in the clear.

Now about 10-15 minutes after the fact when I had my wits back about me (and more so now, a few months after the fact) I realize how irrational my thinking was at the time.  Fire alarm?  Please, I know from my years in the restaurant and movie theatre business that these things just make a loud ass noise, no triggering of any alarms...because jackasses like me set them off all the damn time.  We were true fugitives...fugitives of our wild and drunken imaginations.  Alas, we started to head back to the hostel and figured a night cap was in order, so off to another bar...but only to be denied entrance as we had lost track of the time (or were just used to Germany's lax cut off) and it was past the bar hour of 2:30...no room at the inn for our livers.  Just then however there was a ray of hope...ah yes, a Ray's New York Pizza!  Just what the doctor ordered.  Now Ray's and I have a bit of a history, maybe someday I will recap other stories of my life, but this time it was just a friendly transaction.  No shenanigans, just a damn fine slice and a good way to end the evening.

At the St. James Gate

Day 2...ugg...head needs to stop pounding...yes, the all too familiar symptoms of the hangover.  Slow moving for sure, and this definitely put a dent in our ambitious goal to visit both the Guinness Storehouse and the Jamison Distillery in one day...had to cut it to one, so Guinness it was.  After the stroll through Dublin to the Guinness Storehouse we fell upon the glorious site of the St. James Gate...and respects were to be paid in the only way that seemed appropriate...Tebowing!  Ok I realize it was lame now, but it was at the height of the fad and I got carried away...plus I just love the stuff.  So the tour to the Guinness factory is pretty darn cool, even if you don't actually go into the factory and see the magical elixir being made.  It is more of a museum that walks you through the process of Guinness production with a lot of video and interactive type stuff to play with.  After the tour there are supposedly two options you have to cash in on your free pint.  You can either "pour your own" pint where they teach you the proper etiquette/process of pouring a Guinness or you can go up to the bar on the top floor.  However, rules are for bowling...not beer, and when you are traveling with a cheeky Englishman...well all bets are off.  So our cunning companion Mark realized that the credit card receipt they give you is printed on the same stock as the ticket (which is your pass to a free pint), so why not try to pass off the receipt as your ticket.  Well it worked!  While most of the suckers in the place only got one free pint, we were sneaky enough to get 2 (real criminal masterminds...I know)!  To pull this trick off, I think the way to go about it is to use the receipt for the bar upstairs as it was quite crowded and the bartenders were just trying to get everyone a beer and may not be quite as hawkish as the guy who monitored the pour your own line.

So after a quick stop back to the hostel to change, it was off for night 2 on the town...edition Temple Bar.  Now for those of you who haven't been to Dublin, Temple Bar is basically a street one block off of the river that is just a row of bars.  So our goal, start at the top and hop from bar to bar and make our way back down to the hostel and the other end of the road.  With ambition on our side we were off.  Now I can't say there was much going on that turned this into as an eventful of an evening as our Friday and quite frankly I think we all went all in with our chips on Friday.  Still a night was to be had, and as we progressed from bar to bar and beer to beer, we picked up some steam, chatted up a few locals, danced with some crazy Russians to Bruce Springsteen, and wound up right back where we started at the Temple Bar (not to be confused with the street, but this is an actual bar).  In Temple Bar, as I was coming back from the bathroom, I started chatting up a few guys who asked me where I was from, and when I said Ohio the one immediately started in with "Ohhhhh....we don't give a damn about the whole state of M*ch*g*n."  I had a new friend.  Apparently, this guy had spent some time in Ohio during his studies and thought the whole rivalry was fantastic.  I couldn't agree more, but after a few drinks I need to go an locate Mark and Kapil.  Once meeting back up, it was quickly bar time again and we were back on the street with our thirst and no place to go.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention a bit more about my friend Mark at this point.  Now as I have stated, Mark is an Englishman who is easily one of the funniest people I have come across in my time here in Germany, and some of his one liners and stories were easily the highlight of this trip.  Unfortunately, I cannot remember how some of them came up, but a few of his gems were 1) describing how one girls outfit make her look like a bloody Christmas ham, 2) telling a tale about a man who was on the telly as the self proclaimed UK wanking champion, and 3) his brief oral history of Oscar Wilde.  

The students at Trinity practice safe sex

Sunday was our leaving day but there was time to kill prior to the flight and Kapil and I were hell bent on seeing the Jedi Library at Trinity College (ok, well just the library that Lucas used to model the Jedi library).  Unfortunately, we were unable to take pictures inside so I could do any sweet lightsaber poses, and yes I had full intention of dorking out like that.  Also we got to see the Book of Kells (a very old text of the four gospels of the New Testament created by Celtic monks around 800, so basically one of the oldest books out there) which is also on display in the Jedi library.  After our trip to Trinity we took a walk around the city through St. Stephen's Green and the Merrion district (if you have seen any pictures of the "doors of Dublin" this is where they are).  Then back along the River Liffey for a moment to take in the city and contemplate on life and where I have been over the past 10 months and where my next adventures would take me.  Needless to say after a weekend in Dublin I truly felt like someone with American blood, but an Irish heart.

One last look upon Dublin

See you on the flip.

*wiener (sorry mom...just happen to find that joke hilarious)


** This is something I will not comprehend, but at every crowded train stop the people who are attempting to get on the train never provide a way for you to get off.  I mean it seems like simple logic that I have to leave the train before they can enter the train, but this seems to be a massive fail each and every time...confounding.